Five tips for ensuring a desirable lifestyle from an Exxon Manager turned life coach
With the unemployment rate below 7 percent, lower than it was even five years ago and down from a peak of 10 percent in October 2009, many are breathing a sigh of relief. But the effects of a long bout of high unemployment are sure to have thrown off the balance of employee well-being.
The jobless rate does not take into account those who are underemployed, including over-skilled workers in menial jobs and individuals with too few hours. For those lucky enough to have decent employment, many feel insecure and are willing to skew their work-life balance into a tailspin, with exaggerated emphasis on their career.
I was a Chief Executive Officer and former Exxon General Manager when I realized at age 55 that the joys of even a very successful career cannot make up for what is missing when we neglect the other parts of our lives.
Because most people cannot afford to simply refuse the demands of their job, here are five tips for correcting a work-lifestyle imbalance:
It’s never enough.
Ambition is admirable, but if it is all that drives you, no matter how much you accomplish, it will never be enough. If professional ambition is more important to you than anything else in your life, that is a red flag that your life is dangerously unbalanced. The consequences will be painful feelings of emptiness, lack of fulfillment and having missed out. Take steps now to restore balance, beginning with personal, non-work relationships.
No one ever says at the end of their life that they should have worked longer and spent less time with family.
When all is said and done, life is short, and many realize that time is life’s most precious resource. Intense focus on work tends to deprive professionals of opportunities with their loved ones—moments and memories that cannot be replaced. Set goals for how much time you will spend giving your family 100 percent of your attention each day and week, and stick to them!
Make communication a top priority.
The importance and value of real communication cannot be overemphasized. More important than speaking is listening. My relationships immediately improved when I began listening very carefully to what was being said.
Only you are responsible for your life.
The Serenity Prayer goes a long way in work-life balance. It reads: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Recognizing that I am responsible for my life and focusing on the aspects of it over which I have influence, while recognizing those I need to release, has been pivotal.
Accept who you are.
This can be challenging; it demands courageous self-reflection and letting go of the need for external approval. When a friend asked me, “Do you think the world is ready to accept Bob Epperly just as he is?” I suddenly saw that I had always felt I had to accommodate; that I was not OK as I am. I started to give myself permission to be me.
Bob Epperly, author of “Growing Up After Fifty: From Exxon Executive to Spiritual Seeker,” worked in management at Exxon Research and Engineering Co. for more than 20 years, finally becoming a General Manager, and later was a senior executive in two startup companies. Having spent much of his professional life creating win-win environments for employees and employers and co-authoring a book entitled “Interactive Career Development: Integrating Employer and Employee Goals,” he now coaches people who seek life-transforming career change. During the last quarter century, he has made spiritual self-realization and psychological integration his top priorities. Epperly and his wife, Sarah, live in Mountain View, California, and have three grown children and four grandchildren. For more information, visit www.bobepperly.com.