Breakdowns in Communication: It’s All in Your Head

Speaking the same language as others but felt like you weren’t when talking to them? The problem could be differences in “mental dialects.”

The Director of Operations at a global telecommunications company was frustrated. “Bill and I spend so much time talking circles,” Don told me, referring to a key direct report who has been working for him for nearly a decade. “He’s invaluable to the team. He brings a skill set that really balances my own. But if we’re working on a complicated project or problem, it seems like it takes us forever to get to a point of agreement.” Don hastened to tell me he wasn’t alone in feeling the stress.

“I know Bill is annoyed, too. He wants to go through every step and analyze every angle, while I’m trying to get us to the end point, to focus on the bigger picture.” Don laughed as he added, “Sometimes it feels like we’re speaking different languages.”

He just might be on to something. Communication is fundamental in business and critical to every business process. It’s also one of the most common sources of friction and stress. To understand why, it’s helpful to look at where the communication between people gets “lost in translation,” even when we’re speaking the same language. We all have different ways in which we prefer to think, and those thinking preferences fuel our perspectives, drive our behavior and interactions, and affect the way we approach work. In essence, we’re experiencing and navigating the world as filtered through our own mental preferences.

These different perspectives provide the breadth of expertise and ideas we need when we’re dealing with complex assignments or issues, but they also can create communication breakdowns. In fact, differences in thinking preferences can be so great that they can create separate and distinct “languages,” or dialects.

Although we speak these dialects every day, most of us do so with no awareness of the potential problems that can occur as a result, and so we all miscommunicate every day in large or small ways. Our research has shown that these dialects correspond to four distinct thinking preferences, as depicted by the Whole Brain Model (see graphic): A: Analytical and fact-based (the language of logic and reason) B: Detail-oriented and procedural (the language of structure and control) C: Interpersonal and expressive (the language of feelings and emotions) D: Conceptual and strategic (the language of intuition and imagination) For meaningful communication to occur between two people, both must speak the same mental dialect or one or both must know such dialects exist and be sensitive to them.

Leadership Tips for Better Communication Consider the benefits of becoming multilingual in the language of thinking preferences: How might it affect your ability to lead, coach and inspire others if you’re able to quickly connect with them in the way that will resonate best? Would that help drive higher performance and productivity? Increased engagement and morale? And what might you miss if you aren’t open to their language? Could it be a game-changing new idea? A potentially serious problem or concern? If you’re struggling to bridge the communication gap with someone, first be aware of your own thinking preferences and the dialects you use because of them. Then you can learn to recognize, appreciate and adapt your style to those who have preferences that are different from your own. There’s no doubt it’s easier to communicate with people who think just like we do. But the most effective leaders encourage different perspectives and strive to communicate with and listen to all of those perspectives. By doing so, they have a better chance at getting their own messages across and truly hearing what others have to contribute. Adaptability and agility are key, especially because as a leader you likely work with groups as well as individuals. The fail-safe assumption is that your audience will have diverse preferences, so your best bet for ensuring your messages are received in the way you intended is to hit all of four thinking quadrants:

Give context and explain the “why” (D);
Provide an agenda (B);
Dive into the data and facts (A); and
Engage with stories and interaction (C).

Watch this brief video, “Four Leadership Tips for Better Communication,” to learn more about each of these steps. “It’s refreshing,” Don says, now that he and Bill understand how to navigate thinking preferences. “A conversation that used to take two hours now happens in less than half that because we plan our communications based on how we think. We’ve realized that most of the time we’re saying the same thing—we’re just coming at it from two different places.” The next time you feel stuck talking in circles, try using your head!

Ann Herrmann-Nehdi is Chief Executive Officer of Herrmann Intl., the originators and trailblazers of Whole Brain Thinking and the Herrmann Brain Dominance Instrument. A thought leader in her field, Herrmann-Nehdi has worked with many hundreds of organizations around the world of all sizes and industries, helping them increase their thinking agility to improve profitability, leadership, productivity, innovation and overall business results. She is an AthenaOnline management expert and a faculty member of the Institute of Management Studies. For more information, visit www.herrmannsolutions.com.